Wednesday, January 22, 2014

27 hours and counting

I spent most of today in a foul mood, so bad I even passed up a chance to stop at the Houston Art Museum (where there's a Bougeureau! and a Botticelli!) and until just a little while ago couldn't understand where it came from. I've been brooding all day about tomorrow being another of those anniversaries I wish I could ignore/sleep through/drink through, and just couldn't make the connection between it and my mood. I'm self-aware, no doubt about it. But we all know that none of that stuff works because sooner or later something would remind me of it or I'd wake up or sober up, so it's another day I have to tough out and just get through.

So what is tomorrow? One year ago the ex-husband filed for divorce and I was idiot enough to actually drive with him to the courthouse so he could file the papers. Of course, at that time I was still also idiot enough to not read the signs that he had another woman in the wings (Ha ha, good one because she's a flight attendant. Get it?), that I believed the thick smear of BS he was spreading over my every waking moment, and that he was a poor wounded soul who was in so very much psychic pain.

It's been two steps forward and a huge slide back for me some days and I really, really hate the sliding ones. They bleed me dry and leave me exhausted. Only 27 hours to go until I have just one more anniversary to get through, the big one on April 23rd. Do you think he thinks of these days too? Right. Another good one.

Thought of the day:

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. (Maya Angelou)